The grim divide
by Michèle Nardelli
On
any given weekend in Australia, hundreds of children are visiting the
local police station. And they are not there because they have been
acting up – instead they are a part of organised contact handovers.
It might sound soulless, but for many separated or divorced parents, it is the only safe way they can organise to hand over care of their kids.
Just what makes couples who once loved each other move down a path that allows no communication, that is often characterised by verbal and physical abuse and where not even the ‘interests of the children’ make a difference, is probably as complex as the history of each failed relationship.
And as in all matters that are deeply personal and highly emotional, trying to place rules around separation, divorce and the right to parenting is fraught and often flawed.
As the federal government’s new anti-domestic violence campaign hits TV screens and in the wake of last year’s debate that saw many fathers’ rights advocates (including the prime minister) mooting the idea of 50/50 joint custody as the norm, what can be done to keep children safe and relatively unscathed when relationships fail?
According to UniSA research, the safety of children must be paramount in
all decisions regarding access and custody.
UniSA researcher Dr Dale Bagshaw says there is increasing recognition that
child abuse and domestic violence are not separate phenomena.
“Children can be seriously affected by witnessing domestic violence and we also know that conflict and violence escalate during separation and divorce,“ Dr Bagshaw says.
What’s at stake
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“Some estimates suggest that domestic violence is twice as likely to occur immediately before, during and after separation. So it is at these times when children need a system that protects and acknowledges them.
“For a long time now, in fact since changes to the Family Law reform Act in 1995, it has been acknowledged that it is important for children to have ongoing contact with both parents when a family breaks up. But that situation gets much more complicated when domestic violence is involved.
“The potential for harm to children locked in the middle of an abusive relationship between parents can not be under-estimated. Families need help early in the process of separation and they need help that acknowledges the special needs of all members of the family, including children. But when there is a pattern of violence in the relationship we really need to be doing more to protect children.“
Dr Bagshaw says many first ‘ports of call’ for separating couples are ill-equipped to provide the support they need.
“Usually people go to a lawyer, counsellor, or community service and these people are often trained only to deal with their area of specialty – that rarely includes any understanding of children’s emotional needs and their need to be considered in the process of separation,“ she says.
“Ideally we need to be able to provide families going through divorce and separation services that are child-centred and integrated, so that in this time of crisis they are not struggling to understand contradictory advice from different services. Parents need help in developing a plan for parenting beyond separation.“
And in the government’s Family and Community Affairs Committee Report into child custody arrangements released on December 29 last year, the committee concludes that separating families need to be able to make a safe, workable parenting plan that focuses on children’s needs. Children’s advocates are to some extent comforted that the report supports a continuing emphasis on the rights of the child.
However the report’s recommendation to add a new Families Tribunal to the existing Family Court structure is seen by some as an expensive and risky experiment.
UniSA researcher Dr Elspeth McInnes argues there is a long road ahead before such a system would be workable and in the meantime children are still at risk.
“In essence the tribunal provides just another arena in which couples can dispute and the way it is shaping up, there seems to be no progress in providing more information for people about their legal rights or about some of the very practical issues they need to confront upon separation,“ Dr McInnes says.
“By side stepping access to information about the legal parameters of divorce and separation, sending families to the tribunal could discriminate against some of the most vulnerable parties, especially children.“
Dr McInnes says money could be more usefully spent boosting services that already exist but are hanging on with shoestring budgets.
“We read of children murdered as a result of domestic disputes with dismal regularity,“ she says.
“I believe we need to boost education, mediation and intervention services that together help to protect the most powerless in these situations.
“As a first step we need to have downloadable kits, much like Legal Will Kits, available on the web, so that people can access clear information, tools that will help them plan parenting post- separation and that will inform them of their rights.
“In any legal determination or delivery of services to families going through separation we must view safety – the safety of children, of women and all parties that may be at risk – as our first value. It is never good enough to see children’s lives compromised for parents’ demands.”
Dr Dale Bagshaw is the director of UniSA’s Conflict Management Research Group. Dr Elspeth McInnes is a lecturer in education at UniSA with the de Lissa Institute of Early Childhood and Family Studies.