Biology – the new black
By Ben Edwards
Forget brown – biology is the new black this winter. No longer do students of biology take a major in pocket protectors
and a minor in knee-high socks with shorts. Contemporary biology
students are now decked out with the latest knowledge about
environmental sustainability, climate change, human evolution and animal
biology.
Not only are these topics significant for the future of our globe, those who choose to adorn themselves with a witty biological repertoire will be the epitome of chic this season.
To help get you started, here is an assortment of animal biology accessories to add to your wardrobe this winter, which you definitely will not find being strutted on the catwalks of Milan, New York or Sydney.
The first piece in the Winter 2004 Biologie Collection is for the ladies. Female seahorses are thumbing their noses at tradition by impregnating their male counterparts. That’s right ladies. The eggs are inserted into the male’s brood pouch, where they are fertilised and remain in the pouch for several weeks before the pregnant male gives birth. What a fashionable idea.
The second piece in the collection may prove to be an acquired taste. Made from natural sea cucumber materials, this sticky garment comes in the form of the entire respiratory, reproductive and digestive organs which are ejected by the animal when it senses danger. The ability of the sea cucumber to regenerate these organs means that the garment can be worn once before being discarded.
Rounding off this season’s ensemble is a unique piece from the crustacean boutique, which may appeal to the fashion conscious males. Owing to their sedentary nature, barnacles have an extraordinarily long penis which they unroll to allow sperm to be delivered to other barnacles.
Terrestrial males of the human variety should note the warning accompanying this garment which states that similar sedentary activity this winter will not result in the development of barnacle-like features.
That completes the Winter 2004 Biologie Collection. Punters interested in viewing a more comprehensive range of biological accessories should look no further than the UniSA Division of Information Technology, Engineering and the Environment. However buyer beware, unlike the fickle world of fashion, biology is here to stay.