Kids voice vital when families split
For
the almost 50,000 Australian children involved in the divorce of their
parents each year, the University of South Australia is leading a new
research project that might finally make them heard.
Often confrontational and litigious, divorce has drawn new attention recently with calls for improved services and better integration of services for separating and divorcing couples.
But for children involved in divorce, most of them under 10 years old, little has changed – they feel isolated, powerless, alone and anxious.
In a recent study looking at Children and Families in Transition, Associate Professor Dale Bagshaw and her research colleagues in the Conflict Management Research Group at UniSA’s Hawke Research Institute have been listening to the voices of children who are living through divorce.
Working in partnership with Centacare Family Services, their goal is to develop, pilot and evaluate a best practice model of child centred intervention for children and families going through break up.
Part of the research involved a phone in where children, parents and relatives were interviewed to provide qualitative data about what is happening to separating families – the children, mothers and fathers and grandparents or other carers.
Professor Bagshaw says what is clear from the responses from 116 callers is that children are suffering.
“Some of the responses were very disturbing and brought into sharp focus that without support from parents, relatives, peers or counsellors, children are extremely vulnerable,” Professor Bagshaw said.
“The overall picture is that children are more often than not excluded from any discussions around key issues that affect their lives such as where they live and who they live with and the many contingent issues - moving houses and schools, access to their parents and extended family, and even the ability to live with brothers or sisters.”
Professor Bagshaw said intensive interviews with 19 children (most aged between 10 and 12) from divorced or separating families showed that the impact of this lack of engagement left many children damaged.
Generally the children felt caught in the middle of conflict between their parents and often found it difficult to talk to one or both of their parents. This intensified if there had been violence in the relationship. Of the group, 11 children reported they still had not been told why their parents had separated and only two were told their parents were splitting up before it happened.
Almost 80 per cent of the children had to move house following their parents’ separation – eight children had moved between two and five times.
Asked about their feelings, the children said they were sad most of the time and they could not name any happy feelings. They also felt confused, angry, and frightened and two 12 years olds said they had thought of suicide.
At least five of the children reported fear related to their father’s violence against their mother and themselves. Some harboured fears of never seeing their father again or of being abandoned.
Interviews with the 90 parents who rang in showed some interesting differences in mothers’ and fathers’ concerns, but about 77 per cent believed separation had a negative effect on their children and about a quarter believed older children were more affected than younger children.
Mothers reported finding help to cope during separation, specifically from counselling services. The single most recorded response from fathers was that alcohol helped them cope through the separation.
Professor Bagshaw said that while there was a lot more research to do for the Children and Families in Transition project, the early data analysis showed that there was a dire need for the child’s perspective to be considered across a range of services, from counsellors in schools to lawyers and the Family Court.
“Parents and children alike believe children need more help when facing divorce,” Professor Bagshaw said.
“The children we interviewed overwhelmingly would have liked to be able to talk to their own parents but they often felt fearful of getting into trouble or they did not want to further upset them.
“The alternatives they have suggested include better access to counsellors, including in schools, peer support and the provision of more information and education in groups. Right now these services are either not present or are not resourced to meet the demand.”
Preliminary recommendations from the research team include making a range of information available to families early in the separation process – including information about legal and court processes, the effects of divorce on children and ways that children can be helped through the process – in age appropriate formats so that it can be accessed by children. Other innovations suggested are that all services develop a child focus and an increased awareness of children with special needs including children from indigenous or rural families and children who have experienced domestic violence.
It is also suggested that children be involved as consultants to the project and advise on the development of new services for children and families in transition.
(This research is being supported by the Telstra Foundation and has had
practical support from the Women’s Information Switchboard)